It's been 6 months, and I thought I was recovering. I was happy taking up the Project Management Course in Ateneo for 3 months between August and November, but actually, the last few days in School put me in a similar position wherein I just have to remember every freaking feeling of unhappiness and stress.
Now I'm back on site. I was happy for a while, but I'm back to square 1. I'm feeling anxious most of the time, I can't really focus on work, I can't keep still and I have this sinking feeling in my stomach like there's a heavy balloon that will pop anytime.
I can't wait to go home, I can't wait to think of OTHER things to do. I really just want to escape which is very unfair to everyone of my co-workers. I'm supposed to be a leader, and I know, that I can do well, but I just really can't do it NOW.
I am trapped in this fucking situation where I don't how to stand up. I need help, I know I really do. I want to talk to someone, someone who is willing to listen to this emotional turmoil. BUT one of my problems is that whenever I speak my mind, my problems seem so minuscule that it sounds so absurd and I question myself and why I have to deal with this. Another thing is I see the look on people's eyes, the weird look of misunderstanding the situation and the pity of it all. What the fucking hell.
I found this list and hope it really helps..
How to meet your burn out with an open heart and mind:
1. Cease keeping a to-do list.
Seriously, I'm not making any, but I always feel like I'm missing something that I feel so blind..
2. Keep a schedule.
In my mind, I want to make a schedule that I want to follow but when I'm supposed to do it, my body and my mind just can't process it or just head-on neglects it. And when the schedule has lapsed, I find myself regretting not doing it.. This freaking cycle keeps me crazy.
3. Schedule in sleep.
I schedule at least 7 hours of sleep a day, which makes me more tired and groggy that I really don't know if it really helps me or not.
4. Plan to do one Busy Luxury Thing that would make you giddy, but has previously felt like a waste of precious time.
The one luxury thing I really want to do is travel.
5. Recapitulate your work process and your success.
I know that I have some achievements but it's making me feel so down doing less than what I previously can. And doing all the things I've been doing before resulted in this goddamn burnout. It's like I'm chasing my tail, it's crazy.
6. Return to your roots.
I don't know if they'll believe me or I just don't know how to explain it.
7. Do not start anything new.
This is one of the mistakes I keep on doing. Accepting and starting so many projects just to get my mind away from Project X. -___-
8. Express your gratitude.
I think this is the only thing I'm good at, so far.
9. Be generous.
Well, this too, I think I'm good at.
10. Wholly embrace the organic nature of create-fry-regenerate.
I DON'T KNOW HOOOOOOW.
11. Trust.
WHO?!
Seriously,
I think I'm more fucked up now than before but at least I fairly have an Idea where I'm at. FOCUS and SCHEDULE. These two, I think, are the most important factors I need to focus now. -___-
